Three Rules for Writing a Novel

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

W. Somerset Maugham

Judy Safern will not let this happen to you!

Oh, thank God you have a publicist!

And if you don’t have one, YIKES, call me!

Disraeli would be tweeting #OWS

Disraeli said it and protestors in NYC’s Zuccotti Park echoed the sentiment:

Without publicity there can be no public support, and without public support every nation must decay.

Benjamin Disraeli

November 2011

I don’t know, did you find Hawthorne an easy read?

Easy reading is damn hard writing.  Nathaniel Hawthorne

Nathaniel Hawthorne

The Writing Life

Note to Brands:

Remember that great scene from Monty Python’s LIFE OF BRIAN?

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I’ve got one or two things to say.

The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!

Brian: Look, you’ve got it all wrong! You don’t NEED to follow ME, You don’t NEED to follow ANYBODY! You’ve got to think for your selves! You’re ALL individuals!

The Crowd: Yes! We’re all individuals!

Brian: You’re all different!

The Crowd:  Yes, we ARE all different!

Man in crowd: I’m not…

The Crowd:  Shhh!

Well, the same goes for your brand.  Distinguish yourself!  Stop trying to copy someone else!  You are all individuals!  Show us your true colors. Paint with all the colors of the wind.  Let us love you just the way you are.  And if you must employ a cliche, at least WINK at it!

Tell your own story your own way.  Tennessee Williams said:

If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it.

Is your media more social than your life?

Academics need publicists

If a professor fell in a forest — er, uh, wrote a book — and nobody knew, would it count toward tenure?  Or a raise?

Would your program get as much funding?  Would as many students register for your courses?  Would other professors adopt the text for their curriculum? Would you get a better contract for your next book?  So, how’s this scholarly modesty working for ya so far?

It’s not enough to publish, you need to promote your reputation and sell the book, too.

Is Angelina Jolie boring you?

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

Henry Kissinger, on fame.